Parenting is Confusing AF(udge)

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. The mom in E.T. had an alien living in her house for days and didn’t notice.”

Recently we have been on the search for our son’s next school. He is officially starting kindergarten in the fall and although his preschool does have a Kinder program I wanted to see what the other options were in the area, especially since a private 5-day a week program is more expensive than we can really afford. After doing some research, I began a very lengthy tour schedule, in the end looking at about 14 schools. Some days I felt like I was falling into an unknown hole…

I do realize it’s just kindergarten, but as a parent sending their first child off to school, you begin to question everything. Much like many other aspects of parenting, the search left me feeling dazed and confused. Each school seemed to emphasize something different that they believed was the most important part of education. I looked at public schools, private schools, charter schools, independent learning academies and homeschool programs.

Here is some of the confusion that began to cloud my mind like a rainy Seattle day. I wanted to make sure…

*The class sizes weren’t too big, but not too small because I’d like for him to meet different friends along the way.

*The curriculum is well-rounded. But I don’t want academics to be more important than family and have homework take over our lives.

*How much homework is good work? If you have my little human for so many hours can’t they just come home to be kids? But will they excel without doing any additional studies?

*Are the kids being taught how to be good humans? Although I do realize this should be something they learn at home, but maybe they aren’t?

*Will he be challenged if there are lots of non-english speakers in the class? But on the other hand, being exposed to other languages and cultures is a great teaching tool.

*How much of the day is being spent stuck inside at a desk? But I also don’t want it to be all playtime and no structure.

*How many hours do they really need my child to attend to learn the the curriculum? But can they really get it all done in just a few hours?

*How long has the teacher been teaching? Is it too long and they are exhausted? Or too new and not seasoned?

*Are there extra programs to get involved in? But don’t make me commit and overschedule, because then my child can’t be young and carefree.

*Are they doing the latest with technology? But do they still get to pick up a book and turn pages?

*Is the school safe? But will I be able to volunteer and get to my child whenever I want?

*How do they deal with misbehavior and/or bullying? This one I don’t have a counter thought…this is a pretty black and white issue for me.

There was a young high school student that recently committed suicide here in Orange County. My heart felt immediately sick when I heard the news. My sadness fell further when I learned that he had left a letter behind describing the pressures he felt growing up here; going to particular schools, being compared to students that were “doing it all.” Evidently he felt despaired by the weight of getting into a well-known or even ivy league college, getting the perfect grades, being a stellar athlete, being on the student council, etc…

As I was doing my searches I kept thinking about this young man, his struggles and his parents. His parents probably thought they were providing him the best life possible by sending him to good schools, encouraging him in sports and extra curricular activities. All the while, he was just starving for life to be more simple. So how in the world do we, as parents, keep a balance of encouraging our children to succeed in school, and life for that matter, while still teaching them to realize there is more than just ivy leagues and being president of the senior class? Do we limit their activities? Do we say no when they want to take all AP classes?

I do realize that this is only one small piece of the puzzle when it comes to the mental health of our children. But it does start at a very young age and the pressure that lies upon the shoulders of a parent are astounding.

I’m sorry, but parenting is confusing AF(udge), don’t you think? As I continue my search for Kindergarten I have been reminded by other parents that our decision doesn’t have to be final. That each year we can evaluate and adjust schools as we see best for our children. I thought changing them around would be too challenging once they made friends, but even kids that I spoke to who had changed schools many times all agreed that they adapted and turned out ok.

In the end, I don’t have lots of good advice, especially since this is my first rodeo. My hope is that my words find you in a place of comfort knowing you are not alone on this overwhelming journey. Parenting may be confusing AF(udge), but when we take the time to talk about it to make sure another parent doesn’t feel isolated for their concerns, then I think we are headed in the right direction.

What about you, how did you decide on the education you picked for your child?

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