Parenting Pitfall: Setting the Bar Too High

“The older I get the more I understand that it’s ok to live a life that others don’t understand.”

So often I catch myself doing things I swore I would never do when I had kids. Like bribing them to eat their dinner or giving them screen time just so I can have a few minutes to myself. Parenting is the hardest job in the world, there seems to be so many pitfalls that one could easily fall into, then it feels like it is too difficult to claw, I mean climb your way out.

Not too long ago a few high-profile actors were caught paying to get their children into pristine colleges. I wonder if when they first became parents they thought “you know, one day I am going to pay thousands of dollars to get my kids into whatever college they want.” NO! On the day they were born and saw that sweet little face and smelled that newborn baby smell they must have thought to themselves “I’ll do whatever it takes to make them happy, to give them the best life possible.” Which is probably a similar thought to most parents just starting out…

The trouble with that thought is that we can’t make our kids happy, especially not with money. One of the biggest parenting pitfalls is setting the bar too high!! It is fine to want to give our children a better life than we had, but at what cost? Are we really helping our kids or hindering them? Giving them everything they want is different than providing what they need.

The pressures we face as parents is magnified as our kids go off to school for the first time and suddenly realize they may not have the nicest/newest clothes, backpack, toys, etc… I remember being so embarrassed as a kid when my mom would drop me off at high school in her 1971 yellow Datsun. I wanted to duck down and hide from friends who were already driving their new BMW’s and other fancy cars. But do you know what sitting in that car taught me? HUMILITY.

My mom wasn’t embarrassed, in fact she still has that car today. She drove each of us four daughters home from the hospital in that car and it is sentimental to her. As a snotty-nosed teenager I couldn’t see past the old paint and heavy metal doors to realize my mom was teaching me a valuable lesson (I do now, thanks mom).

There is something to be said about NOT keeping up with the Jones’.  In fact, who cares what the Jones’ are doing? Who cares if your child doesn’t get into USC or Harvard? So what if they go to a Junior College for a few years? It will save you money and you still can get a great education.

There have been so many teen suicides from the pressures that they feel at school and at home. The pressure to be captain of the football team or dance team, to get straight A’s, to graduate with a scholarship to a well-known college, the list goes on…But we as parents can help alleviate some of that pressure for our kids by ignoring what society tells us.

We actually don’t have to set the bar so high. I know that might sound crazy to some of you, but think about it. It’s ok to say no to your child and to all the extra “stuff.” They don’t need to speak three languages by the age of 10, they don’t need to play every single sport or do every activity that comes their way, they don’t need to have the latest video games, or the newest car on the block and they especially don’t need you to buy their way into college! What is that even teaching them?!?

Instead of “setting the bar high” we need to replace it with “just say no and let it go”.  Doesn’t that already feel refreshing, liberating in fact?!?  It doesn’t mean we don’t care about our child, in fact, saying no is 10x harder than giving in to every whim they desire (like when I have to say no dessert when they don’t eat their dinner). But the freedom we will feel from doing what is best for our families, instead of what is expected, will be the biggest gift we can give them.

Although I may still be bartering with them on the small stuff, one thing is for certain, I will be looking to take that bar and use it to vault us into parents who can just say no and let it go!;)

*Matching family suits provided by my favorite Albion Fit. I have worn their suits for years and live for their flattering styles, fun patterns and great quality.

*Beautiful photography by my super talented friend Erika Rodriguez Photography. She is already booking her Christmas family shoots, so don’t delay in sending her a message.

To read more about parenthood and learning to let go click here.