Sex and Hormones After Babies

“Sexual education classes in school should just be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.”

(This post was sponsored by Kaiser Permanente)

I had the distinct pleasure to work with Kaiser Permanente Orange County on a series of health posts this past year; all topics that I got to submit myself. Topics that interested me, or I have dealt with personally. Topics such as post partum, hair loss, and flu preparedness. I think I might be most excited to share with you the information that I learned on this latest topic of sex and hormones after babies.

I feel like women do not talk about sex; especially if it is not going well. I learned that we really are complex human beings and there is a lot that goes into “getting in the mood” for us. Please read on as I share questions that were answered by Dr. Paula Richter, a practicing OBGYN for the past 15 years with Kaiser Permanente Orange County. She was an absolute delight to talk to and I felt immediately comfortable asking her some slightly uncomfortable questions…

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Can you explain hormones a bit? Hormones fluctuate every minute and every hour of every day. They affect our mood, our emotions and how we feel about just about everything, from hunger to stress. Hormones control your thyroid, pituitary glands, hypothalamus and your ovarian production of estrogen, testosterone and progesterone levels as well as your menstrual cycle itself. It’s no wonder women often find themselves feeling like they are on a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

What happens to our hormones after babies? During pregnancy your hormones go into overdrive and estrogen and progesterone increase dramatically which prepares the body to support the baby and to actually give birth. After birth, these high levels of estrogen and progesterone suddenly drop which can affect mood. These hormonal changes can act as a natural birth control after having baby since your hormones are now supplying you with the milk the baby needs and not necessarily the desire for sex. The first year is the toughest adjustment, though technically most of your hormone levels return to normal by six weeks postpartum. The new demands of being a busy mom and the stress levels can most definitely affect your mood and ultimately your sex drive. Anxiety and depression should be addressed with counseling, Dr Richter even suggests longer term chronic issues such as history of abuse or deeper sexual issues may be best addressed by a sex therapist, which you can find a list on this website she provided me.

Why do most women have a decreased desire for sex after babies? Sex hormones change. The libido is very complex. Dr. Richter says we are the cockpit of an airplane and there are so many switches and controls to actually get us going. No matter how good your husband may look, if you are tired, over stressed, haven’t connected in a long time, chances are you won’t be in the mood. Once you become a mother there are so many more distractions that keep you from really being able to focus on your spouse and getting that quality one on one time, which inevitably effects your sex life.

Is there such a thing as a female version of Viagra? Don’t we wish!;) HAHA! Women are too complex to be able to just take a simple pill to make us get in the mood. For us it is more than just a physical reaction, we need to feel secure, loved, comfortable and connected in order to have sexual intimacy. If there are problems in any of these areas it is going to effect the closeness of your relationship that no pill can fix.

Are there any supplements that can help get you in the mood? Unfortunately, much like there is no viagra for women, there are no supplements that can boost your sex drive.

Are there natural ways to boost your sex desire? Self esteem is a huge factor in your sex life. Making sure you are getting exercise and feeling good in your own skin is a key component. Also, making time for yourself besides just exercise like daily showers, getting your hair done, wearing makeup, getting dressed to go out on a date are all natural ways to help make you feel more confident and more open to the idea of intimacy. You also have to be willing to talk to your spouse to let them know what turns you on; even if it’s taking out the trash, folding the laundry or putting the kids to bed and not the traditional candles, chocolates and flowers. If you don’t tell him he will not know!

How does date night effect your sex life? Getting away from your kids is vital, even if you can’t leave your house. You need to disconnect from not only your kids, but from any other distractions as well. It is proven that your libido will be higher when it’s just the two of you connecting with one another, therefore your satisfaction will be higher as well. It is expected that you may not get butterflies anymore like when you first met, but that is NORMAL. Dr.Richter says it requires more effort, but it’s an effort that is worth it in the end. She suggests having a date night ONCE A WEEK, I know I am super guilty of not making that happen. BUT the good news is date night doesn’t mean always getting dressed up and going out. It can mean sweats, popcorn and a good movie on the couch. It could mean some hot coco in the backyard snuggled under a blanket. Just as long as you are leaving your phones behind, the kids are in bed and it’s just the two of you talking and connecting. Your relationship is worth it! In the words of Nike, “Just Do It.”

What causes vaginal dryness? What can we do if our bodies aren’t producing any natural lubricant? Dr. Richter says women shy away from talking about this one all the time because they feel embarrassed, but there is no need for that! Do NOT feel like you are the only one, you are not alone! She explained that during certain times of the month you are more likely to be dry, around ovulation you are more likely to produce more lubricant. Other reasons for dryness could include breastfeeding, and even some birth control pills. Foreplay can definitely help, which can start well before the bedroom gentlemen!;) hint hint! But Dr. Richter also suggests vaginal lubricants for intercourse, her favorite product is called AstroGlide, you can pick it up at your local drug store or on Amazon! I say it’s worth a try!

Would lab work show an imbalance in your hormones? Because hormones change so quickly from minute to minute, hour to hour, blood work would be too difficult to get a good understanding. There are too many variables and the range of normal is wide, so most experts do not recommend checking general hormone levels for normal premenopausal women.

Is it common to develop a thyroid problem after babies? What can be done to help it? The thyroid hormone is one hormone that doesn’t change from minute to minute which is why they are able to test it on a lab order. It sometimes can change drastically after having a baby. Some signs of an over active thyroid are: anxiousness, heat flashes, jitters, heart racing. Signs of a deficient thyroid are: feeling sluggish, fatigue, weight problems. It is possible to take a prescription supplement daily to help regulate the thyroid. If you have these symptoms, you should see your provider to be screened.

If you don’t get PPD (post partum depression) treated, can it effect you years after birth? Would it be a contributing factor to lack of sex drive and irritability? For some who never get PPD dealt with at the time it is most definitely possible for it to effect you even years after birth. Built in resentment, feelings of inadequacy or lack of self worth would of course effect your sex life. Communication is KEY! You need to find a therapist, friend, family member or spouse to talk to regarding your feelings.

What other things would you like my readers to know about hormones/sex after babies? Dr. Richter says not to be embarrassed to talk about anything with your spouse. Feel free to read a sexy novel together or play some fun games (in the nude), think outside of the box to spice it up. She even says going to a store with a few more “adult” type items can allow you to ask questions and explore your likes and dislikes. Also feel free to bring up any of these concerns with your doctor at your annual exam, do not be shy about issues that so many other women experience. The more you are able to talk about any concerns you may have the better chance you have at finding a solution.